Please don’t take this the wrong way…but I believe in being
honest and open…and in a totally honest and open way – I think being a parent
is by far the hardest, most thankless, job in the world. Yes – it is true…that
it can also be the most rewarding, wonderful and fulfilling job…but when you
are in it – like really in the thick, surrounded by trees, can’t see the field
on the other side…it can be hard to see the positive side.
I met two friends the other day for coffee. These
two have been married for almost three years and have absolutely no interest or
intention of having kids. They are totally head over heels in love with each
other and spend every day making sure they focus on reinforcing that love. They
are pretty cool peeps in my world – and I always love spending time with them.
But not only because they are totally awesome…but because they remind me of a
few things. They remind me that you have to really want to have kids, like 100%
your decision not influenced by outside forces, know you want to have kids.
They remind me that you have to be willing to sacrifice…because there is no
such thing as a great parent that is selfish. They remind me that it’s important
to work on your relationship with your spouse…because he (or she) is supposed
to be your best friend and that with kids in the picture…that friendship can
sometimes get fuzzy. And mostly they remind me that regardless of what you
choose to do – it has to be what is best for you and your family.
As we were sitting there, enjoying a wonderful cup of super
charged coffee (yay Starbucks) – we started chatting about kids and their
decision to pass on that particular turn in this game called life. I think they
were shocked by my response. I told them I thought it was a smart decision…not
because they would not be amazing parents, because they would totally rock…not
because I didn’t think they could handle it – they could and would probably
make it look easy… and not because I didn’t want them to have kids – it’s really
not my call…but I took a sip of my coffee and explained why.
Being a parent is HARD…there I said it – it is the hardest
thing you will ever do. And yes it is worth it…but only if you are 100%, no
doubt in your mind, bought into, the whole kid thing. And they aren’t…which is
totally cool. But if you are not sure…or you don’t think you want kids…I wouldn’t
recommend having kids!
Before we left, they thanked me for my honesty. They know
that I love my daughter more than life itself…and that I don’t for second
regret the decisions I have made that have brought me to this moment in time…but
they also know that I am a realist. They explained how many of their friends
have told them just how wonderful being a parent is…and how they are missing
out on so much…and how they will never be fulfilled unless they have kids…
You know what…I CALL BULLSH!T…
Ever notice how it almost turns into a cult…where we all
have to believe that it is sunshine and roses all day long so we can convince
other unknowing couples to join our world. Come over to our side…it’s so easy…look
how happy and well rested and fulfilled we are…
Call me cynical…but those words will never come out of my
mouth aimed at another couple.
Sometimes being a parent totally rocks…other times it
totally sucks…but most of the time…being a parent is a major juggling act with
no end in sight. Between bills and cleaning and dinner and work and play time
and play dates and nap time and baths and bed time and laundry and
relationships and sex and family and friends…I have so many balls in the air
that I fear the day they all come crashing down around me…it’s going to happen…but
thankfully I have an amazing husband that is there to help me pick all of them
up and start the whole juggling act again…and hopefully we will get a few
laughs out of it as well.
The point is…I wish we as parents would stop trying to
convince ourselves by trying to convince others just how easy and awesome our
lives are all the time…I respect my friends that made a mutual decision to not
have children…just as much as I respect my friends that made a mutual decision to
procreate. Either way – I think it is pretty awesome.
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