not here!

so as i am sure you can imagine...my mind is everywhere other than work.

I just want to be at home spending time with my mom and my dogs and my hubby!

i am so blessed - i feel that this thanksgiving will have an extra special meaning!

t-minus 8 hours until we "spill the beans"

i just hope i an make it without my heart jumping out of my chest!

Grandma...

Sharon arrives tonight - might be the hardest 17 hours EVER!

I am almost glad that i have to work tomorrow as it minimizes the amount of time I spend with her and the opportunity for me to "spill the beans"

6pm tomorrow night won't come soon enough!

check please...

so just when you think you can't possibly get any more tired - your alarm goes off and you are faced with the looming question - do i sleep for just a few more minutes or get up now...

welcome to my morning...not that Monday's need any help in being the most difficult day of the week - but i felt like i had to sit down every few minutes this morning. Brushing my teeth, putting make up on, putting lotion on - if i stood for too long, i felt like i was going to pass out. Its odd - but i feel like its beyond being tired. My body aches - i hope i am not getting sick on top of this.

my motivation levels are severely lacking - possibly because its a Monday...or because there are four other people in the office - and none of them are my bosses - maybe because its the Monday of a three day work week - maybe its because my momma comes tomorrow night and we get to (finally) tell our parents on Wednesday - maybe because its thanksgiving week - or because its Ohio State Michigan week...

needless to say - not sure how or with what energy i will make it through the next two days.

on the plus side - my amazing and wonderful husband took my to olive garden on Saturday (hello all you can eat salad and bread sticks) - it was such a great night - and it reminded me just how very lucky i am! We also went to best buy to get our flip video camera - SCORE - so that we can start recording things (like telling my mom, messages to the little cockeye, etc) which pretty much rocks.

we picked out a list of names that we liked on Sunday - not sure they are the "ones" but at least we are thinking about them - now if only we knew what we were having...ahh the anticipation is killing me!

big win for the cockeye

Big Saturday for the cockeyes...

even though i know the little one is busy growing and doesn't yet possess the ability to know (or possibly even care) but he or she knows that mommy and daddy are pretty happy with the outcome of both of the games today.

just think - next football season - our little cockeye will be hanging on the couch (in a perfect world) cheering on his/her favorite teams!

cheers to college football and the newest member of the buckeye nation/garnet army!

finally friday...

after one very long week - extreme exhaustion has set in to the point that i am struggling to make it through the next hour of work.

it doesn't help that both of my bosses are out of the office, and the one other person with any amount of authority has the mind set of a 12 year old (love you A) making focus and motivation words that you will not hear around these parts!

just trying to make it through the next 60 minutes...

sent the package out yesterday with a BIG card on the front that said "Open Card First"

Inside the card is an explanation and instructions as to when to open the package and what to do first (call my cell phone first)

I am so excited to share this amazing news with our parents - it has been so hard to keep this in for this long! But only a few more days.

My goal is to video the reactions of both parents (with the help of Mike's sister Jessie on the SC end)

I can't wait to post these and share with everyone just how excited the first time grandparents are with the news!

part of me really wanted to make Pudgy and Lonny shirts that said "I'm gonna be a big sister...but i won't share my cookies" or I'm gonna be a big brother...finally someone else will pee more than me" but i think the booties are a great way to tell the grandparents!

maybe our holiday card will say something to that effect! in fact - i think i just stumbled upon what our holiday card really might be!

picture of the box that we sent Mike's parents!

Our Lil CockEye - The Newest Killion: From Daddy...

Our Lil CockEye - The Newest Killion: From Daddy...

Dr. Appointment

We had our first appointment yesterday which basically turned out to be a consultation....but they did confirm that we are indeed bringing a little cockeye into the world.

Then we went over things Erin could not do including things that she could not eat which I reminded about as soon as we got home. Needless to say I was assured that I could keep doing everything that I have been...although I need to start working out to lose some of my post wedding/beer pooch.

Everyone is doing fine....and we have our next appointment on the 30th....

you passed the test

Mike and I had our first doctor's appointment today...well it wasn't so much of a doctors appointment as a meeting with the nurse and a bunch of tests.

it was so exciting though!

when we got to the hospital we checked in and waited to be called. We met with the nurse and went through a bunch of questions. We covered all sorts of topics, and the next nine months.

I had to take another pregnancy test - just to confirm...which the nurse (amazing woman) came back and said...You Passed! we all started laughing. She even got all of Mike's super sarcastic jokes...all in all it was very positive.

lots of needle pricks for blood work and planning future appointments.

I have to come back on November 30th to visit the high risk clinic as they are concerned with my thyroid problem that there might be some issues - however, if they clear me, i can move forward through the next 8 months in normal fashion (well as normal as being pregnant can be)

fingers crossed that the Nov. 30th appointment is nothing but normal!

lots of reading to do - off to snuggle in bed with pudgy!

six weeks

today marked six weeks...crazy how fast time seems to be going.

short post today...i almost fell asleep getting my nails done earlier.

we have our first doctor's appointment tomorrow at 2:30...

the lady at the spa today said that the pain i am feeling in my lower pelvic area is connected to my ligaments stretching - but that its so early on she doesn't know why they have already started...mark that down as another thing i need to chat with the doctor about tomorrow.

 tired...bed time...

typical sunday afternoon

after spending a very lazy weekend - i am struggling to come to terms with the idea that i don't have the energy to do everything i want to do at the moment i want to do it.

i did spend about an hour putting together the special surprise for our parents -

I will post pictures tomorrow!

very tired and very odd sharp pains when i stand up - they go away but they are NOT enjoyable for the first few seconds.

back to the couch...hopefully more energy will find me sooner rather than later. I seriously feel like such a waste!

today just may be the day

I am having a really hard time keeping this secret to myself...so i think i am going to share it with two of the other most important people in my life...the ones that told me when they were pregnant early on...the ones that have been there for me through everything life has thrown at me...the ones that stand by me regardless of my decisions...the ones that stood beside me the day i married mike...the ones that will love me and have loved me since the first fateful year at Edinboro...wow we have come a long way!

still haven't told our parents yet - that comes in the next two weeks - but i can't possible keep this from my ney and kimmy any longer.

so if you are reading this...

then odds are you have figured out one major change in my life....it is still early...and i need your prayers and well wishes to make sure this is a healthy and amazing experience...but if i can't share this with two of the most amazing women i know (who also happen to be going through the same thing) than who can i share it with.

shhhhh - love you girls!

Our Lil CockEye - The Newest Killion: From Daddy...

Our Lil CockEye - The Newest Killion: From Daddy...

Emotions......

We are so excited to start planning on welcoming the newest Killion to the world we have exactly 8 months now which as we all know will fly by!

Although sometimes I feel like my beautiful bride blows things out of porportion.......this time I do not think that she is. She has been reading the pregnancy books ever since we found out that we were bringing cockeye Killion into the world and I thought that I lot of it was in her head just because she was reading it....i.e. like that time when she read the skinny bitch book and stopped eating any kind of meat...yet we all know how that turned out (shhh she had a cheeseburger tonight...dont tell her I told you)

Needless to say over the past couple of days I have realized that I need to be more empathetic in this stage of our lives.....not to mention she is going through something that I will never experience.......first hand.....with that being said I will make an effort to not add to the stress.......

boys just dont understand

while i am so blessed to have a man that loves me, respects me, challenges me and is my best friend - i sometimes wish that he has a little more sympathy for things he doesn't understand. One of the things that made me fall in love with Mike in the first place was that he never let me complain just to complain - he made me a tougher person and made me realize that everyone has issues, and sometimes you just need to suck it up and deal with it - however, last night was the first time that i wished he was not like that - at least not right now.

so although everyone tells you this - it doesn't really sink in until you are knee deep in prego-ness...my body is going through a tremendous change right now, it is more or less under attack (in a good way...and it is fighting to feed and shelter the little perfect being inside me) however, that means that i am experiencing things that i have never felt before...

like what you ask...if you have already had or are farther along in your pregnancy than i am - you already know what i am talking about - but for those of you that don't or won't ever...let me give you a little recap of the last few weeks.

my boobs hurt...and i am not talking just a little pain...they literally ache - wearing a bra is painful, sleeping without a bra on hurts, running, walking, touching, bumping into, bending over -  you name it - it hurts. they throb, ache, and feel heavy...not cool!

my emotions are out of control - i promise you i am not just being a bitch just for the hell of it - trust me, if i could figure out a way to wrangle these bad boys in, i would...I hate that i snap at stupid things, or that every time i open my mouth it seems like i am trying to pick a fight, or when i ask you to do things - i mean do them now, because the very fact that i had to ask means its almost too late and if you don't do it, i will do it and then you will have to hear me bitch about doing them. While i know why these emotions are flowing through me, I don't know what else to do about them - so until something calms down or i lock myself in a room to avoid interaction with other people - we are just going to have to live with them.

i am EXHAUSTED...beyond anything i have ever felt before. I know people that have told me that i will be tired - and i thought that it would be something i could push through - after all i played college volleyball, have pushed my body to do things i never thought possible and have an extremely high tolerance for pain - but i am not kidding you when i say that i have NO energy. If i could - i would take four naps a day - but that doesn't go over very well in the office. Taking the dogs for a walk last night and making dinner kicked my ass! It is so hard for me because this is not me...I need to be doing things, I have things to accomplish - my house is a mess, there are clothes that need to be washed, i have things that need to be done for work - and yet all i want to do is lay down and sleep. I seriously feel like I am being super lazy - but I truly can't function at certain times.

my skin is gross - i know a few people who's faces and skin actually became more beautiful as they moved through the days and weeks of pregnancy - but that ain't me! And the worst part is that i can't even use acne cream, or acne face wash or anything to combat it - love the books through that tell me that keeping my face super clean (with what?) and drinking lots of water will help to combat this...SURE!

Cramps, back pain, weird feelings...check, check, check - and i can't even put a heating pad on my back or pelvic area to relieve these pains...i know its all normal, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

GAS...yes i said it - i will be totally honest - maybe more honest than i should be on the world wide web...pregnancy comes with GAS...i feel like the f'ing Hindenburg - i am bloated like i have to poop, but don't have to poop (don't even get me started on the constipation) and then i walk around during the day crop dusting and just hoping that no one notices. Who knew the first few weeks of pregnancy would be the time you shed all of your social decency.

so yes...i get that boys will never understand what it is like to have a small human growing inside you...and for that, i feel sad that they will never get to understand the joys of caring for and protecting the most innocent...or the bond that a woman has with her baby even before the delivery room...but i wish my boy could be slightly more empathetic to the hell my body is going through - because it is for the "greater good" - our baby!

five week mark

So today marks the five week point - although from everything i have read - and trust me I am doing my research, it says that the first two weeks sort of don't count - but hey, I will take them either way.

Five weeks - that is more than a month, which is crazy. I wonder when i will start thinking in terms of weeks, i already find myself looking at markers on the calendar to see how far along i will be at certain times, like - at Thanksgiving I will be 7 weeks and at Christmas - I will be almost three months!

its so crazy to think that next year at this time, we will have (pray everything goes well!!) a four month old...

we have not told our parents yet - but i have a feeling they already know. Or will know the minute the package arrives.

how are we going to tell them...

i ordered two pairs of Ohio State booties and two pairs of South Carolina booties - one pair of OSU and one pair of USC booties will go to my mom and one set will be sent to Mike's parents. Because we are lucky enough to spend Thanksgiving with my mom this year, we want to tell them at the same time, Wednesday...

i am hoping to flip video the whole thing so that we can share it with everyone - but we will see.

Basically we are going to have them all open the packages at the same time and wait for the reaction. I can't stop smiling just sitting here thinking about it!

I just can't wait to see their faces.

more to come!

Three Tests Later...

Well...after three tests and a missed montly friend - it is official! Mike & I are pregnant - we are due in July of 2011. I have a ton of emotions running through me, but mostly I just want to tell everyone! We are holding off on telling people until after our doctor's appointment on November 16. I can't wait to tell our parents - they are going to be so excited!

The last week has been quite exciting - trying to keep this amazing secret inside has not been easy and couple that with the back pain, gas (TMI), sore boobs and heart burn - oh and don't forget the exhaustion like I have never experienced before - it has been an experience!