while i am so blessed to have a man that loves me, respects me, challenges me and is my best friend - i sometimes wish that he has a little more sympathy for things he doesn't understand. One of the things that made me fall in love with Mike in the first place was that he never let me complain just to complain - he made me a tougher person and made me realize that everyone has issues, and sometimes you just need to suck it up and deal with it - however, last night was the first time that i wished he was not like that - at least not right now.
so although everyone tells you this - it doesn't really sink in until you are knee deep in prego-ness...my body is going through a tremendous change right now, it is more or less under attack (in a good way...and it is fighting to feed and shelter the little perfect being inside me) however, that means that i am experiencing things that i have never felt before...
like what you ask...if you have already had or are farther along in your pregnancy than i am - you already know what i am talking about - but for those of you that don't or won't ever...let me give you a little recap of the last few weeks.
my boobs hurt...and i am not talking just a little pain...they literally ache - wearing a bra is painful, sleeping without a bra on hurts, running, walking, touching, bumping into, bending over - you name it - it hurts. they throb, ache, and feel heavy...not cool!
my emotions are out of control - i promise you i am not just being a bitch just for the hell of it - trust me, if i could figure out a way to wrangle these bad boys in, i would...I hate that i snap at stupid things, or that every time i open my mouth it seems like i am trying to pick a fight, or when i ask you to do things - i mean do them now, because the very fact that i had to ask means its almost too late and if you don't do it, i will do it and then you will have to hear me bitch about doing them. While i know why these emotions are flowing through me, I don't know what else to do about them - so until something calms down or i lock myself in a room to avoid interaction with other people - we are just going to have to live with them.
i am EXHAUSTED...beyond anything i have ever felt before. I know people that have told me that i will be tired - and i thought that it would be something i could push through - after all i played college volleyball, have pushed my body to do things i never thought possible and have an extremely high tolerance for pain - but i am not kidding you when i say that i have NO energy. If i could - i would take four naps a day - but that doesn't go over very well in the office. Taking the dogs for a walk last night and making dinner kicked my ass! It is so hard for me because this is not me...I need to be doing things, I have things to accomplish - my house is a mess, there are clothes that need to be washed, i have things that need to be done for work - and yet all i want to do is lay down and sleep. I seriously feel like I am being super lazy - but I truly can't function at certain times.
my skin is gross - i know a few people who's faces and skin actually became more beautiful as they moved through the days and weeks of pregnancy - but that ain't me! And the worst part is that i can't even use acne cream, or acne face wash or anything to combat it - love the books through that tell me that keeping my face super clean (with what?) and drinking lots of water will help to combat this...SURE!
Cramps, back pain, weird feelings...check, check, check - and i can't even put a heating pad on my back or pelvic area to relieve these pains...i know its all normal, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
GAS...yes i said it - i will be totally honest - maybe more honest than i should be on the world wide web...pregnancy comes with GAS...i feel like the f'ing Hindenburg - i am bloated like i have to poop, but don't have to poop (don't even get me started on the constipation) and then i walk around during the day crop dusting and just hoping that no one notices. Who knew the first few weeks of pregnancy would be the time you shed all of your social decency.
so yes...i get that boys will never understand what it is like to have a small human growing inside you...and for that, i feel sad that they will never get to understand the joys of caring for and protecting the most innocent...or the bond that a woman has with her baby even before the delivery room...but i wish my boy could be slightly more empathetic to the hell my body is going through - because it is for the "greater good" - our baby!
Could NOT be happier or more excited for you two! When reading through this post, though, my heart totally goes out to you. The boobs hurting like crazy early on is insane, isn't it? Eventually they won't be so tender, but they will stay big, and get bigger, haha. I feel bad that you are experiencing heartburn so early on; I didn't get that until the late teens (week 18/19 or so). Little Canfield has been rolling around like crazy in there ever since I read your post...I think he/she is excited to have a friend!!! :-D Love you.
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