Reflections on Mothers Day

As I sit here, thinking about how much I wish I could spend today with the amazing mothers in my family, I have a rush of feelings surrounding me.

Being almost 8 months pregnant, I am finding that this mothers day is very different for me. I have spent most of the past 7 years away from my mom on Mothers day, meaning that normally my day is pretty low key. This year, as I am not totally a mother yet - but know that this will be the last mothers day where I wont be a mother...I can't help but think about all the wonderful things the mothers in my life have done to inspire me.

To my mom, my grammy, my aunt patti...thank you for the love, support, memories and wisdom you have shared and continue to share. My only hope is that I can be as good of a mother to my daughter as you have been to me! More than my mother, my grandmother, my aunt...you are my friends and for that I am blessed!

To my amazing mother - in - law...thank you for raising a son that is able to love, respect and rejoice in the good and bad of our relationship. And thank you for welcoming me into your life and family. I could not ask for a more loving person and friend!

To my beautiful friends who joined the elite sorority of motherhood over the last year...you are all amazing women and I couldn't ask for a better group of women to share in this special experience. I will turn to you all over the years for help, advice and love...as I hope that you will be able to turn to me.

I wish every mother a very happy mothers day - may today be filled with the love and joy you share with everyone on a daily basis.

notes...

Today I was lucky enough to get a very nice note from my momma...well an email - but in today's communication model...I count an email on the same level that I count a text, phone call or Facebook message. Someone is taking the time to let you know that they are thinking about you!

This awesome note made me smile and feel better...my wonderful and beautiful mother had this to say...

"Just wanted you to know that I think you are an amazing woman and I am oh so proud of the woman you have become!  You are very talented and creative and you have learned to handle all situations.  Please do not let this stress you out or Miss Delainey!  I want what is best for both of you!  Let me know if I can do anything to help with the situation.  Remember you are wonderful and amazing and I am so very lucky to call you my daughter!  Love you lots and lots!"

So as I sat here and read this much needed pick me up from my momma...I thought back to one of my favorite memories of growing up.

When I was little, my mom used to write me little notes and put them in my lunch box. Every day at lunch, I would dive into my treats and find my mom's little hand written post-it note. Most of the time it said something to the effect of...I love you. You are wonderful. Hope you are having a great day....and sometimes it was more specific to a certain thing that was going on in my day. But it always let me know that she was thinking about me, and that she loved me and that I was important!

As I have been doing a lot of research on the benefits of being a stay at home mom vs. a working mom...and what I have found is that it doesn't matter if you are a working mother or a SAHM...what matters is the kind of mother that you are. There are plenty of mothers that work that are wonderful mothers of well adjusted, outgoing, happy children...and there are just as many mothers that stay at home, who's children are no better off. I often find that I look to my own mother for examples or resolve in my decision to work after Lainey is born.

As I think back to the things that made me feel like my mom was a huge part of my life, took an active interest in everything that was going on, and never made me think twice about her working or feel like I was missing out on something because my mom worked - these little notes are one of the many things that I recall.

I know that most of the time, I rolled my eyes, or maybe I didn't. I don't remember if I ever thanked her for taking the time to add a special note to my lunch box every day...but I do know that thinking back...it was one of the best parts of my day and something I will make sure to include in Lainey's life...even if it is just a text message or email saying...I love you and am so proud of you!

Puppy...I mean Pudga Training

One of the things that I think Mike and I have been putting off - maybe because we don't know how to truly start it, or maybe its because we feel a little silly or maybe it is because we both know it will take a lot more than everything we have read says it will...is getting our puppas ready for the arrival of Miss Delainey.

Let me back up...not our puppas...I am not worried about both of them - but it is getting our Pudga ready to take a back seat - she doesn't even sit in the back seat of the car - to the newest diva in our family.

I wish that I could truly explain to you just what a diva princess (blame me) Pudga really is. Ready for a little glimpse into her life...

• she sleeps on a tempurpedic bed every night...because she has to snuggle right next to me. London sleeps on the floor - although don't let him fool you, he has two huge blankets and a pillow to snuggle with so he is far from hurting for love or attention.
• She thinks the boppy body pillow was purchased so that she would be more comfortable when she sleeps
• she gets carried to bed and placed gently on the pillow every night (don't ever let him tell you she doesn't have him wrapped around her little paw too)
• she has learned that the bell hanging on the door can also be used to request food, cookies, water or just be annoying, as well as to go outside - the original purpose.
• She eats at 6:30 every morning...Monday through Sunday and she will not let you sleep past that time. They say that dogs can't tell time, I promise you that she knows it is 6:30 and that it is time to eat. Only after she eats, does she snuggle back into bed for round two of sleep.

If you have met her - you know what I am talking about. If you have not - you are probably sitting there thinking...this stupid dog lives better than most people and how have you two let her get this out of control.

Ok - I will fully take responsibility for her current state. She is a princess - and I have made her every bit of the monster that she is today. But as Mike calls her, she is my Wubba...she calms me down, chills me out and is hands down the most therapeutic thing in the world. In fact - I am honestly trying to figure out how I can get her to the hospital with me when I go into labor...obviously I don't want her there for the delivery...but during the initial stages, when there is pain and discomfort and a lot of waiting...I know that she would be a calming force for me.

I know...she can't come and it may sound silly - but all of this is why I am a little worried about how Miss Pudga will react to Miss Delainey.

She has been around little babies...and she is a perfect little angel...they tug on her face, play with her ears, mess with her paws...and she just sits there and takes it. Its a good thing that Mike is always messing with her and she is fine with it...I think she believes that because she "puts up" with the crap Mike does to her, she is entitled to act like a princess.

I am not worried about her lashing out at Delainey - I am just worried that she will dive into a deep depression and feel like I am ignoring her - and that breaks my heart. Yes I am aware I have issues!

I know she will revert back to her (even) eviler ways...just this morning she ate one of my make up brushes. But I also pray that she will see that there is enough love for everyone and that she is not second fiddle but an important part of my life and more importantly, Lainey's life.

Oh Pudga!

Planner Personality

I believe that part of the joy of pregnancy is that it forces you to come to terms with the "type" of person you are.


For example...I am a planner. I make lists, I organize things, in short...I make an effort to plan as much of my life as possible.


Packing for a trip, I make a list - I don't always follow that list, but at least I have it as a starting point and reference.


I am quickly learning that with pregnancy and the impending birth of our daughter...it is not always possible to plan. I personally have no control over when Delainey decides that she is ready to join us on the "outside" nor do I really have any control over how the process goes.


In an effort to maybe (over) compensate for this inability to plan the major things that will be taking place soon...I find that I am over planning for other things. Take for example my "Go Bag List" - yes I have a working document that lives on my desktop complete with four separate columns and spaces to check off each item as I acquire it or pack it. A column for things I need to pack/take to the hospital, one for mike and one for Delainey. The fourth column is for things we still need to get in preparation for the hospital.


This may also explain why I was so anxious to get the nursery ready, to pick a name, and to find out the sex of the baby.


I have no choice but to come to terms with the fact that I in no way can plan when, where, how or at what pace Miss Delainey decides that she is ready for life outside. And that I pretty much have to turn over that plan to God or nature or Delainey for a while even after she arrives.


Consider it a work in progress!

Conflict

For those of you that know me...you know that while I enjoy conflict probably more than the next person...in that I don't run from it or hide from it - but will often face it head on in hopes of finding a resolution and moving forward...I don't believe in letting things "brew" - I say what I have to say and look for the best solution in an effort to avoid similar conflict in the future... I am not one that likes conflict simply for the sake of conflict. And I find that more and more I am shying away from conflict if the results (based on previous experience) are becoming less and less about finding a solution and more about just looking for a fight.

I speak my mind...but only to the point that I feel like what I am saying is being heard and received.

I hope that I can raise our daughter to speak her mind, stand up for herself and face conflict head on...but also know when to waive the white flag and walk away from something that causes more stress then it is worth. I hope that I can instill in her that she is a strong, independent and amazing women and daughter...and that through my ability to differentiate between conflict worth my time, energy and patience and one that seems to be a losing battle, I can set an example that will set her on a path of successful conflict management for years to come.

a freight train

So it just sort of hit me...the way a wrecking ball just sort of hits the side of a building it is trying to destroy...that we are only nine weeks away (if Delainey Grace opts to stay safe and sound until the end) away from being parents.

trying to take a few deep breaths...can I do this...am I ready to be a mother?

First of all - where have the last 30ish weeks gone...30 doesn't sound like a lot of weeks...but when you break it out (four weeks per month) that is 7.5 months...Holy Cow - seven months...are you kidding me! I remember taking the pregnancy test (three times) and then telling mike that we were pregnant and then telling my best friends and then telling our parents and then telling work and then watching for a baby bump and then finding out that we were having a girl and then waiting for her to kick and now...as I sit here, thinking about how 7 and a half months have quite literally flown by, I am thinking to myself...now we are just waiting for her arrival.

I remember all of these things like they were yesterday, they feel like they were yesterday...time is moving so fast.

right now, this pregnancy feels like an impending freight train...the kind that you can't stop even if you wanted to - not that I want to...I am so excited to finally meet my...scratch that...our daughter. I can't wait to hold her, and smell her head and feel her skin next to mine. I think about the emotions that will flood inside and probably out when I see Mike hold his daughter for the first time...even now I am tearing up.

I think about how happy we will both be when Delainey meets her Grandma, and her Nina and Poppy and all the important people in her life.

I am both excited and slightly nervous for the time we bring her home from the hospital...and she gets to meet the rest of her family (Pudga and Lonard) for the first time...to see how they react and watch them fall in love with her.

But I am also scared to death...

I told Mike last night that I am pretty freaked out by the thought of labor and delivery. Obviously, there is not really anything that can prepare you for this experience...and the "unknown" is what I think I am struggling with. What will happen, how will it happen, what will it feel like, what if something goes wrong. My mind says...go with the flow...but that is so much easier said then done for someone with a planner personality.

And aside from the actual labor and deliver...we are having a child...a baby...a human that depends and relays totally and completely on us...talk about pressure!!!

9 weeks...maybe one more...maybe not so many.

65 days!

I emailed one of my best friends - who also happens to be pregnant - and said something to the effect of...it just sort of hit me that we only have nine weeks left...and I am freaking out.

Her response was both cute and reassuring...I am going to assume that I will need to print it out and look at it every time I start to feel the this way.

Thank God for good friends!

Belly Pictures | 30 weeks

week 30 belly pictures!

only 10(or so) more pictures to go...

Happy Sunday and Have a wonderful week everyone.