Mom Vs. Mom

In my quest to understand a lot of what goes on in this world, coupled with my need to explain my own personal feelings and try to better understand the basic psyche that drives me to do what I do every single day...I have been reading and researching a lot about the cost/benefits of being a Working Mom (WM) vs. those of being a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)

While I am still not totally clear on if there is truly one that is more beneficial than the others...I do have to say that I have learned that there is a major "rift" between WMs and SAHMs - which bothers me because I feel like we are all tasked with enough things that make our lives challenging to begin with - the last thing we need is to have to defend our decisions to the very people that are supposed to understand what we are going through.

Now don't get me wrong - I have found myself (maybe slightly resentful) making comments about SAHMs - and in no way am I downing their decisions - it is simply that I (at the time) felt that they had it easier. Of course your house is clean, and the laundry is done and dinner is cooked...you have 9 - 10 more hours in the day that can be put towards that...but that doesn't make it right. And as I continue to read more and more on this topic - I am making an extra effort to not judge any mom regardless of her decision on this subject.

I am not totally sure which side of this I fall on - to be honest...I can see the pros and cons of both sides - and the more I read and research, the more I find that I am totally torn on the subject.

I commend working moms - my mom was one - she didn't have a choice...but she did a pretty DAMN good job of raising me and still being a major (to this very day) impact on my growth and development. We spent quality time, went on adventures and to be honest - thinking back - I can't recall a time that I felt I was missing out on anything because my mom worked...it was just want she did!

But at the same time, I commend moms that stay home to raise their children. As our world seems to be flying more and more out of whack - and family life or structure seems to be tossed out the window (I mean I see it in the way teachers have to focus on life skills before they can even think about actually teaching reading, writing or math) and the fact that there are kids that go to kindergarten with a vocabulary of only 85 words...scares me and speaks volumes about the direction our society is headed...it is refreshing to see that moms and even some dads are taking on the challenge of making sure their child is cared for in the best possible way - by the parent. It takes a ton of sacrifice of oneself to stay home and focus on family as number one, above all else.

Let's be honest - this conversation is null and void if the choice to go back to work is based solely on the financial impact it would have on your family. I know that Mike and I could not afford to live let alone raise a healthy, well adjusted, exposed child if one of us didn't work...it is simply not in the cards.

So I find that I justify this "choice" by listing off reason after reason why I would feel unfulfilled if I didn't work...there has to be some reason other than money that makes me get up every day, drive an hour to work each way and spend 8-9 doing things for other people that keeps me away from my family and soon...away from my daughter.

But one of my very best friends - who also happens to be going through the same dilemma that we are facing - asked me a question the other day that totally made me think and start to question where I stand on this issue in general.

She asked - if money was not a factor - because Mike got a job that allowed you to stay home and live very comfortably from a financial stand point...would you still feel the way you do about going back to work.

Regardless of where you stand on this...or where you think you stand - because things change when you have kids - or even what limitations your financial and family situation present...I have to believe that every mother is doing what they deem to be the best for their child.

I just hope that both "sides" can see the value in the choice or sacrifice that the other side had to make!