What you would change

So during a conversation with one of my co-workers the other day, she said something that made me think.

She said that "she always knew there would be things she would change in the way she raised her child, vs. how she was raised"

It got me thinking about the things that I would change about the way my mom raised me...what would I do differently now that I was walking the very fine line of motherhood...what would I say, or do that or more so, what would I NOT say or NOT do when faced with issues with Miss Delainey.

One of the things that my co-worker mentioned was that when kids at school would make fun of her, her mother's response was always something to the effect of, don't pay attention to them, you don't need friends like that, don't listen to them. And she said, that she always hated that because how do you not listen to something that has already been said. She has since taken the approach with her son that is completely opposite (in dealing with this particular issue) from how her mother handled it.

So this got me thinking about the things that my mom did or didn't do when I was growing up - after all, your parents are your moral sign posts for how you deal with your own children...right?

One thing that always used to drive me crazy was that we always had to talk through things - we had to rationalize why what I had just done was not in my best interest, or disappointed her or was not a good choice...seriously...there were so many times in my childhood that I remember thinking to myself...can't you just punish me and send me to my room...please...do we really have to sit here and talk this out.

But as I grew up...and learned to deal with people and entered into a job, field, career, life, in which being able to rationally approach a problem, discuss expectations, disappointments and solutions for the next time and in general, figure out a way to resolve the issue without raising my voice, or getting angry and shutting down...I realized that not only is my mom a pretty amazing woman, but she is pretty freakin smart too.

Are you kidding me...this can't be a coincidence - that just by chance, the way she raised me to directly deal with and resolve problems through open and honest communication, using "I statements" and approaching things from all sides, would actually be the best way to deal with life in general as I got older. This woman was light years ahead of me the entire time...I could write an entire blog on the "things I wish I knew my mom already knew and should have just listened to her when I was growing up"

You mean to tell me that yelling, punishing, screaming, sending someone to their room, grounding them, etc...or even worse - resorting to physical violence has no place or use in your "adult" life so utilizing it when problems or issues arise in childhood might not be the best option.

Now I am not going to lie and say that Sharon never yelled - I was a trying child at times and she was a single mother doing her very best to make sure I was respectful, and appreciative and well...not a normal (especially the lovely age between 10 and 20) little diva princess. And there were a few occasions that I know I drove my mom to smack me...I can remember two of them very clearly - and let me tell you - I was lucky that was all she did...because if memory serves me, I was being a royal BRAT! But for the most part - anytime there was an issue, or a problem, or something that I did "wrong" we had an open and honest conversation about it and 9 times out of 10...I walked away (although at the time I would have never admitted it) with a better understanding of why she was upset with me and why I probably shouldn't do it again...

while I am sure it will drive Lainey crazy in her childhood and teenage years to have to sit and rationalize and discuss...I am positive that I will be utilizing this very productive method of parenting because I have personally seen the benefits of it.

Thanks Momma!